From:  Human Resources Department
   
                  REGISTERED NURSES WANTED
   
Must be able to work long hours with frequent 
mandatory overtime and regularly missed coffee breaks.  
Few holidays or weekends off.  

Must be able to keep massive amounts of 
paperwork up to date while making 
split second life and death decisions.  

Must be unaffected by frequent verbal 
abuse & able to neutralize 
occasional physical assaults.  

Must display patience, kindness, 
and understanding at all times.  
The ability to communicate effectively 
with people who are illiterate, 
uneducated, insane, hysterical 
or enraged is required.  

Must show no aversion to blood, vomit, 
oozing infections or human body waste.  
Job involves daily exposure to infectious 
bacteria and viruses as well as 
radiation and carcinogenic medications.

Frequent staffing shortages necessitate 
your ability to prioritize and 
efficiently carry out the work of 2 or 3 people.

Applicants must possess a keen interest 
in coping with grief, uncertainty, 
depression and loss on a daily basis.
   
As a part of the multidisciplinary team, 
you will be expected to collaborate 
with clerical and janitorial staff, 
physicians, respiratory techs, social workers, 
Chaplains and Priests, security guards, physical 
and occupational therapists, 
laboratory and x-ray technicians, 
maintenance personnel, and dietitians.  

You are required to have an understanding of 
all the roles and responsibilities 
of these team members as you will be 
required to carry out many of their duties 
in addition to your own. Salary is in no way 
commensurate with knowledge, ability, 
or experience.
   
Due to the frequency with which employees 
develop physical injury and 
emotional breakdown, we are pleased to 
offer a comprehensive benefits package.
   
Only serious applicants need apply.